my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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