I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There r osticjed everywhere
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
