All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
