I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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