I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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