this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
