i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
