You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize