We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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