can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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