Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
