bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
