P.S. I can't hear my feet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
