They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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