There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
