We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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