Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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