It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
