y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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