Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
