Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
