so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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