he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
