There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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