Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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