i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
