I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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