I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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