Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
