Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
