Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
