i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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