OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
