Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
