i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
