if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
