Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
