I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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