you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
