The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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