PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm just crazy horny about you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
