Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
