and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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