So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't deserve a penis
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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