So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
