I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
