about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
