i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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