Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
