this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
