she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
soo... how was my night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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