420 ftw
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
