I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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