You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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