I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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