thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
