Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
