I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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