no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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