why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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