Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
