So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
