my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
