I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
