I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
