The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
