Where are you?
In a non slutty way
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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