i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
