ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
