How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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