bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
then he tried to convert me to islam
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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