Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
