I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
