I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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