I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
