he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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