dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
