so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
