I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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