SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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